it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
