i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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