i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
