make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize