He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think people are normalizing furries
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
