I'm gonna have a badass scar
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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