roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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