absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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