Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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