she looked like the before picture.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
