he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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