well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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