Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
me + whiskey = a bad person
I need to sanitize my soul.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
