I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
