the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize