I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Randomize
