I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
