dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
