did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
