gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize