Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
