Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
