I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
