Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
