my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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