Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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