do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
