Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
4 words: hood of his car
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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