1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
