Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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