I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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