nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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