how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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