Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
this boner is exhausting
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
