3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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