I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
