All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
