Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
