The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
