College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
