the new term for farting is butt boxing.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
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