i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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