Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
