the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
