All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
