You just made me feel so damn special
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
