so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
