Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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