You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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