Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
