I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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