just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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