i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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