I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
