i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
