so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
