Are we in a gay sports bar?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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