are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Randomize
