I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
