I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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