Pappa wants mamma naked
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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