not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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