Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
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It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
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I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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