Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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