As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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