I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
