I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
