Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
