She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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