hotel room ftw
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
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