I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
