What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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