i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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