She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize
