Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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