Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
