My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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