Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
