I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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