It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
