hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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