my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She told me I should be a condom model.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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