everyone is single if you try hard enough
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
